Yesterday, in the seeing the sun for the first time as the hazy smoke
cleared, I realized I missed it. For a while, I used to greet the sun in
the morning time before I started my day. It is a daily ritual practiced
by some indigenous cultures. Slowly, this practice began to fade away and
become less frequent. I would devalue this simple gesture to nature with a
thought along the lines of, “Well, I will greet the sun tomorrow.”
The fires and the loss that seem to be present in every direction, shatters
this unconscious certainty. It shatters the sense that I have all the time
in the world. That there will be other mornings where I can greet the
sun. There will be other times when I can share what is in my heart.
Opening my heart to this shattering and to this broken world, I feel a
certain intimacy that comes from recognizing the fragility of my life.
For most of my life, I never really got past the initial shock when
trauma, hardships and losses came into my life. I was never taught how to
grieve. Slowly the ‘gravis’ of my unexperienced grief veiled the deep
magic, intimacy and sensuality of life. I searched and searched to reclaim
this magic in other realms and through experiences which transcendent my
humanity. Until I was pulled down into my depths, to finally meet the
wounds of my humanity. To finally meet places within me where my grief
wasn’t fully grieved and I had closed to life. Where I was afraid to open,
afraid of being abandoned and betrayed. Through the alchemy of grief, a
profound magic for life began to spark from the darkness and restore my
experience of divinity as my very own human life.
In my experience, we need our grief in front of us, in an intimate way,
more than ever. Keeping it below or behind us or under some spiritual
concept that we should always be in joy and be happy, veils the grace and
the gifts awaiting in the heart of our grief. As the fires are raging
outside and we are in a drought, I believe nature is calling for our tears
to be returned to the sea.
I invite you to join me in a sacred community space for a grief ritual on
September 19. It is $60 for the day. If you are called to come but are
not able to pay this amount, please email or contact me. Registration is
required. There are logistics and items that are important to bring as a part
of the grief gathering. For more info. visit my website at
www.courtneydukelow.com. Feel free to call me at 541-535-2186.
If you are drawn to receive some one-on one support and bodywork, I am
available at this time.
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